I've had a few days off and so I decided to do a bit of a tidy up and found my folder of 'wedding things' - all the cards were were given when we got married, a handwritten copy of the speech I gave, and photos of Andrew and I on our 'special day'. I read through some of the cards - people wishing us a happy life together, and sending their love. After a few minutes I had to stop - it was a bit too much.
I wondered, if I could go back in time to visit myself before my wedding, would I warn myself that the marriage was not going to last? What would I have gained - and lost - had I done that.
Mostly, I felt a bit sorry for the two men in the photographs - Andrew and I. They looked so happy - and they didn't know it was all going to come to an end 9 years (to the day!) down the line. Then I realized that it wasn't those two men I was feeling sorry for - it was myself - and I can't afford to wallow in self pity these days. So, I put the folder of 'wedding things' away. It's not 'filed' yet. Just set aside until the day when I feel ready to file it.