Filing

I'm not by nature a tidy person - but every once in a while I like to have a good tidy.  I file away all my bank statements, sort out bits and bobs, maybe chuck out a few things too.  I am a horder of sorts - especially paper.  I've hung on to all the letters (remember letters?) my parents, grandparents, brothers, and friends sent to me when I first moved to England.  Reading through them brings me great comfort - and so I don't like to through away anything with actual handwriting on it!  

I've had a few days off and so I decided to do a bit of a tidy up and found my folder of 'wedding things' - all the cards were were given when we got married, a handwritten copy of the speech I gave, and photos of Andrew and I on our 'special day'.  I read through some of the cards - people wishing us a happy life together, and sending their love.  After a few minutes I had to stop - it was a bit too much.

I wondered, if I could go back in time to visit myself before my wedding, would I warn myself that the marriage was not going to last?   What would I have gained - and lost - had I done that.

Mostly, I felt a bit sorry for the two men in the photographs - Andrew and I.  They looked so happy - and they didn't know it was all going to come to an end 9 years (to the day!) down the line.  Then I realized that it wasn't those two men I was feeling sorry for - it was myself - and I can't afford to wallow in self pity these days.  So, I put the folder of 'wedding things' away.  It's not 'filed' yet.  Just set aside until the day when I feel ready to file it.  

Never apologise, never explain. Except when you explain. Let me explain.

Well, I have been gone three years, so I guess I should give a bit of an explanation.  Then we can move on and put all this 'you've been away for three years' unpleasantness behind us - so here goes...

When I left off, Drew and I were moored somewhere on the Grand Union - most likely around Braunston if memory serves me.  We spent the rest of that year on the Grand Union and then down the Oxford Canal.  That brought us to winter 2012/13.  We decided in 2013 to take a permanent mooring as we were finding it increasingly difficult to move the required amount to comply with the CRT's Continuous Cruising regulations (well, in point of fact, we later learned we were easily complying - but at the time we thought we might not be) and money was pretty tight.  The big plan was to take a risk by coughing up for a mooring in the hope that by being moored in one place most of the time would mean that Drew would get more work and I could get better paying work.

I did get better paying work - but as a Car Salesman.  More about THAT another day - I could write a whole BOOK on car salesman - but we puttered along, taking the boat out for short jaunts now and then - not really getting that much further ahead money-wise, but generally, I thought, 'alright'.

Then my marriage broke down.

Then I moved off the boat

And now, here I am.

I'm well.  I've found somewhere new to live that isn't as special as living on a boat, but it is also a lot easier.  I've found a new job that isn't going to make me a millionaire, but is paying me more than I've earned in many years, and is a job that I like.

I've come to a crossroads in my life - and am getting ready to make the journey back home - but not yet.

One thing the last year has taught me is that I tend to either make decisions far too quickly and without doing the "legwork" - or dither and not make any decisions at all - I either do nothing and fret, or leap into the unknown - usually when what is "known" has become intolerable.

This time, I've made my decision - I am coming home - but now it's all about timing.  When I come home, I want to be ready and strong enough to build my new life.  I'm getting stronger day by day - but I'm not quite ready.  I need to get all the tools together - a good reference, maybe a qualification, a bit of money, and I have to be able to leave England well.

I think I will.

What's 3 years between friends?

Sorry - I just stepped out for a moment.  A 3 year moment.

I had forgotten about this blog until someone reminded me about it and I found my login details. Reading what I was doing 3 years ago was, I've got to admit, was not easy.  

It's been a bit of a rough ride - particularly the last year - and the result has been that this novascotianboy is no longer floating, but is still afloat.  The NB Friendship floats on, but I don't float on it.

And now it's time to start the work of preparing for another journey.  One that will take me back to Nova Scotia for keeps.  I'm not ready for that journey.  Yet.  But I will be soon.